Neglecting the Inward for Outward Ease

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  2 Cor. 4:16

Why is it that I spend so much of my time, effort, mental and emotional energy focusing almost solely on those things which are outward (success, financial security, reputation, comfort and leisure), while inwardly wasting away?  Isn't this the exact opposite of what Paul points to as the main theme of the Christian life?  To live as Christ is to place importance on the internal, which then transforms the external.  

I found myself this morning noticing just how much of the past few months of my life have been centered on getting to a place which I consider to be better, easier, less painful.  Through this my focus has shifted from abiding in Abba to abiding in the comforts of this world; which I am so often reminded are fleeting, temporary and unlasting.  I am so afraid to follow Jesus to the end, for in following Jesus I am promised that in order to live in Christ I will die to my sinful self, and the death of sin never comes easy.  To become like Christ will involve a life of love, which will certainly leave me heartbroken, lonely and grieving.  It is simply easier to ignore this inner life and desensitize myself through injections of leisure, comfort and financial stability.  

If we are true to this Christian love, it may kill us, impoverish us, or disgrace us.  In any event we are sure to lose at least some of the goods of this world, which Jesus took the trouble to point out are of no importance anyway.  ~Brennan Manning

I waste so much of my life in pursuit of that which will surely fail me.  O that I would fully believe and trust Abba.


*I also want to add that the inward and outward life are not at odds, but are intended to intertwine towards the same goal.  

Incomplete and Waiting (Part 2)

My basic premise in my earlier post is that so long as we are on this earth, living in this flesh, we will be incomplete.  Our hope is set on the return of king Jesus, at which time we will finally live in completion.  No longer will we have to fight sin, imperfections, maladies, disease, or the threat of death.

In the meantime however, we live in a perpetual state of war.  Many authors speak to this war-time mentality (personally, John Piper has had a great deal of shaping on my own mind).  Rather than living a life driven by the goal of finding comfort and ease; living out of our true self in our current reality demands that we see the great war we find ourselves in.  Going back to the analogy found in Tolkien's LOTR, as we await the return of the king, we find ourselves in a similar condition to those in middle earth.  Aragorn could not take his throne again until the war was finished, the ring destroyed, the foes of Gondor put down.  Thus, the white tree could not grow again until the fight was complete, at which time the king would come back to claim his own.

This is our current state.  Not only are we incomplete and waiting upon the return of our elder brother Jesus, but we are in a battle.  Our 'Great War' is not necessarily against terrorists or usurpers of freedom, but rather against the flesh which attempts to live apart from Abba.  Our enemy is self-righteousness which takes the form of either rebellious and independent living, or religous do's and don'ts which attempt to merit our goodness.  The great deceiver is still making war against us, as he has since the lies he bespoke in the garden, and we are to be vigilantly on-guard testing against his lies.

James speaks of having a 'militant patience' in his epistle.  We wait; we fight hard while waiting.

Yet, all this fighting is not in vain, but is rooted in a great promise.  Just as in Tolkien's world, as we wait long and fight hard, our hope is in what the return of the king promises; which is peace, order, relief, complete restoration.  We are in the last part of this epic which has been taking place since the serpent deceived in Genesis 3; was crushed  in Jesus' death then resurrection; and will be finished when the King returns with just vengeance as told throughout Revelation.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” ~Revelation 21:1-4

Embracing Disappointment

It seems so much of our struggle in relationships living within the tension of disappointment.  We often find our expectations disappointed, disappointed in how we are not received, disappointed in the way we are/are not connecting with another, and so on and so on.  The question I've begun to ask myself is, how much do we strive to not be disappointed?  Adversely, is it better to accept disappointment for what it is and be willing to receive what we are given in the midst of it?

The idea of being content while disappointed is extraordinarily foreign to me.  In a culture that is obsessed with getting everything right, all of the time, without fail, this almost seems blasphemous.  Adages like "Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me", "Failure is not an option", or simply the requirement of Superman-esque job skills speak to this.  Unfortunately...Fortunately, this is not the way relationships work; for if it was, we would all be destined to miserable and lonely lives.  Who could possibly live up to my absurd expectations?

Paul talks in Philippians 4 of being content in all situations.  Could this possibly apply to our relationships?  To be content and grateful for what my spouse does give me, rather than impatiently demanding perfect love, acceptance, and communication.

My idea here is that we:

1. See what another gives as it truly is (Look outside of our expectations)
2. Inwardly acknowledge and deal with the disappointment we have in response (Acknowledge our disappointed expectations)
3. Seek to see what they were trying to give (Create a new expectation)
4. Gratefully accept the muddled and imperfect gifts another offers us (Simply receive)

I cannot imagine the joy I would have if I simply received from others what they are able to give in the midst of my disappointment, rather than holding out on receiving until they 'get it right'.  I believe this would lead to gratitude and contentment far exceeding my former attempts at mustering up a grateful heart.  

Incomplete and Waiting

After two years of studying marriage and family therapy- during which I've thrown myself into the deep end- I find myself ending with a nagging sense of being incomplete...which seems appropriate.  For a while I had the notion that if I did just enough work I would be 'better', or at least have many of my issues close to resolved. I'm beginning to realize this is an untrue and impossible ideal. Of course, knowing that regardless of how much work I put into myself, that I will always be walking into another area of deficiency at first brought me low.  It brought me to a spot of neediness.  Which is right.

I imagine a tree planted as a seed, the acorn of a great oak, with the process of its growth being long and tedious.  Sometimes I find I am incapable of seeing any growth at all for long periods of time.  Adding to the naturally slow process of acorn to oak are the storms, diseases, insects, and other interruptions which injure and slow down the tree from shooting up.  Often, as the tree is battered and beaten, it is growing deeper roots, sometimes producing fruit, but on the whole showing very little in the way of extensive outer growth.  This is where my analogy gets a little nerdy.  In Tolkien's 'Lord of the Rings' there is a particular tree, the White Tree, which seems to represent and hold the authority of the kingdom of Gondor.  For years this tree was sitting dead and broken by the pool in the kings courtyard.  Thus representing the stunted and haulted growth of the kingdom.  It wasn't until the king returns and replants a new sapling that the kingdom can once again thrive.  Here is where our stories intersect.  It's not just that I continually find myself incomplete and in need of further growth, but that my healing and growth cannot happen apart from the hands of the king.

It's right for me to both work hard and delve deeply into my growth spiritually, mentally and emotionally; and in the same breath to necessarily wait upon and deeply need Abba to heal and bring me to complete fruition.  I'm finding that it is prudent in personal growth to keep the long view, which is that my progress, growth, healing, and completion is going to take time.   Yet time alone will not suffice.  What I absolutely need in order to arrive at completion is the return of the king.