Loving (oneself) the Way Jesus Loves

'Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.  Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.' Luke 6:36-38

Why is it that we struggle against our natural inclination to judge, condemn and show our displeasure towards others; yet we freely pour out the cruelest condemnation on ourselves?  For myself, this use to be the way in which I pursued sanctification; if I could only hate and condemn myself enough I would begin to grow in Christ-likeness.

It seems that the human heart falls to one of two extremes when it comes to how we view ourselves.  On one hand is a love of oneself which is not based in reality (narcissism); reality being that ones heart is more sinful and corrupt than can be imagined, and yet more loved and cherished by Abba than one could dream.  This narcissism is blind to ones sin and struggling need of a redeemer.  On the other hand is the extreme of a self-hatred, often disguising itself in a religiously judicial robe pronouncing swift judgment on the smallest of indiscretions.  This self-hatred is blind to the mercy and love of a kind Father.

The problem is, to be more Christ-like is to live in neither extreme.   Brennan Manning put it this way:

'It is simply not possible to know the Christ of the Gospels unless we alter our attitude toward ourselves and take sides with him against our own self-evaluation.'

The command to be merciful by not judging or condemning but rather by forgiving and giving is applied with more ease to those around us (even the most vile of assailants) than to oneself.  What would it be like to live without condemning with vigilance our smallest inconsistencies, struggles or flaws?  What would it be like to love oneself with the same raging tenderness of Jesus?  How do we experientially know the way in which Jesus loves us?  Bernard Bush puts it this way: if you love yourself intensely and freely, then your feelings about yourself correspond perfectly to the sentiments of Jesus.

'There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.' Romans 8:1

Prayer of an Anxious Heart

The more I wrestle with my own fits of anxiety and depression, I recognize that praying often feels out of reach as fitting words seem so distant.  I offer you a few of my own in hopes that you feel free to post a phrase or line of your own to add to this prayer.

Abba...I want to wait on you.  I desire that my strength be renewed.  This waiting is so far removed from my reactive mind and spirit.  Please, slow down my anxious and fretful heart.  Calm this chaotic storm which thunders fear and rains doubt.  Bring to mind your faithfulness, and reign in my attempts to outsmart this patient waiting.  I do believe you are at work for what is truly good, that you are for me.  Lord, help my unbelief, transform it into a remembrance of your faithful and abiding care, a trust in your promised restoration.  Restrain depression from overtaking me, leaving me bottomed out and empty.  Bring me Shalom, true peace through patient waiting.