To Fear and Trust

These past few weeks post-graduation have been plagued with constant attacks of panic and fear, particularly the fear that things will be turned on their heads.  Bank accounts, car issues, tenants moving out, new job transition, a hurricane which the news seemed to think was imminently more catastrophic than any hurricane to date, financial woes, etc.,etc.,etc.  I found myself on the brink of despair, with the words of 'I quit' lingering on my tongue.  Yet, all the while, I've had this nagging sense that it would be okay, not because these things would work out and go just the way I had planned for them to go, but because of a deep and prevailing sense of trust in Abba's character.

I began to think of how much energy I put into the fear of all these things (and no doubt many others).  Quite frankly, a lot.  My mind then began to be drawn to so many passages in which Scripture refers to 'fearing the Lord' (Prov. 1:7; 19:23; Deut. 6:1-3; Jonah 1:9).  Honestly, I've not enjoyed these passages in the past as they never really set well with me.  It seems that the truth of fearing the Lord has begun to take root in me now as I find myself uttering phrases like "Abba, if you don't show up, I'm done for", or "If you let me go, I perish".  This stirs up appropriate fear.  If God turns His back on me, or turns his wrath towards me, I don't stand a chance.  The fear of Him now begins to far outweigh the fear of money loss, car issues, house foreclosure, etc.

Yet paired with this truth belong many others, including the truth of His covenant making love which he promises to direct towards me and a thousand generations to follow me (Deut. 7:9,10; 1 Chron. 16:15); the truth of the refuge He provides to the pursued, travel-weary and lost (2 Sam. 22:3; Psalm 7:1; 36:7; Heb. 6:18); the truth of my adoption as a full son who shares all things with my brother Jesus - including the Father's affirmation, affection and intent for glory (Rom. 8:15; 8:23; Gal. 4:5; Eph. 1:5).

"But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.  And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" Galatians 4:4-6

To be afraid of the Creator and Sustainer of life is appropriate and right, so long as it is paired with knowing the goodness of a Father who does not give a stone to his son when asked for something to eat.

There but for the grace of God go I

Twice in the past week I have heard the phrase 'There but for the grace of God go I'.  

Several times this week I have seen myself truly and begun to realize how true this statement is.  Honesty is a two-way street.  It is not enough to only be honest with others,which is in fact impossible apart from first being honest with ourselves.  Often this is the very thing we need the most (gut-wrenching, clear-eyed honest looking at our self), but is quite commonly the very thing we neglect out of fear, anxiety or a tendency to seek comfort at all costs.

To neglect seeing our self clearly has several consequences, the most profound (in my opinion) being that we trivialize our need for the intervening work of the Spirit.  If I see myself detached from what I could be apart from God constantly hedging me in, then I am unable to grasp the profound and constant work of Abba, which disables me from experiencing a full and rich life of dependency upon Him.  This seems to be even more profound in those professions which require a spiritually or emotionally professional employee; such as pastors, therapists, ministers, counselors and the like.  Yet, the one thing which qualifies us to be spiritually helpful to others is our keen sense of self which proclaims plainly that were it not for the grace of God we would be of the worst sort of sinner.  

Even now as I write this there is an urge for me to let you know that I'm really okay, trust me, don't take this to mean to much.  I have a desire to qualify these statements in a way that shines a nice and pleasant light on me.  This to, is dishonest.  The reality is I often carry a sense that were it not for the constant intervening grace of Abba, I would be a full blown ______.  Even now I'm too afraid to fill in that blank because of the fear of what you might think. 

I think Paul had a very real, gut-wrenching sense of himself when he wrote to the Corinthians 

"For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle...But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain" (1 Cor. 15:9-10).  

I don't believe he was just saying this as some trite, pious affirmation of a detached sense of God's grace.  I think he looked hard at who he could have been apart from his encounter with the Christ.

I encourage you to do the same.   The next time you see someone of disreputable lifestyle or station, think of how easily you could have ended up in the same spot, and then look for those gracious interventions of Abba in your life, as well as in the lives of those who impacted your upbringing.  If it weren't for the intervening grace of Abba, you could have easily become a full blown _______.  Then give thanks to God, who graciously chose you and called you from this potential life as a rebel into a life as his beloved.  It's quite sobering to glimpse the magnitude of God's kindness as He impacts and directs our lives.