I was listening to a talk about how the Gospel affects discipleship, in which the speaker states that Jesus is both the content and context of the Gospel and calls us to actively trust him in our obedient following. At its core, discipleship seems to entail being a active participant in being remade into the likeness of Jesus. The implications of this are vast, yet two things stand out to me at this time.
The first is that discipleship is an active trusting participation, rather than an ideology. Throughout my time in seminary I was consistently frustrated and convicted of the notion that in our learning we became more apt Christians, when the reality is/was that our ideas were so separate from our actions. In studying the gnostics of Jesus' time, I realized how very alike we were. Gnosticism is basically the idea that in attaining some knowledge or idea, I am better able to be justified or sanctified. None of my classmates would ever say that in having knowledge we were justified, after all it is by faith alone in Christ alone. Yet in the way we lived, thought and related to others, it was very evident that we believed in our core that by having this 'Reformed' knowledge of Scripture, we had true faith and we were in a sense more righteous than those whose ideas of Scripture differed. We were theologically Reformed, but practically gnostics.
This revelation is fueled by the second implication of discipleship, which is that for me to follow Jesus means I am to become like Jesus. To really, actually live like Jesus. To be called a friend of sinners, and spurned by the religious. To freely give words of care to sexual deviants, and at the same time freely give words of anger to those who are religiously self-righteous. In short, to spur and aggravate the gnostics, be they Pharisee or Reformed, and welcome in as brothers and sisters those broken people foolish and ignorant, spurred and outcast, whores and thieves, sex addicts and alcoholics. Don't get me wrong, addicts and fools just as often seek their self-righteous salvation in prosperity preaching, wealth, sex and alcohol as the seminary trained religious leaders seek theirs in books and ideas. The one thing it seems that Jesus is welcoming towards is a broken, empty, spent and contrite spirit. The adulterous woman who can't even look him in the eye, the Roman general whose daughter is dying, or the poor and ignorant fisherman who hasn't been able to provide for his family through his trade.
Discipleship is living out of this broken flesh, needy and dependently trusting that Jesus has to provide both salvation and sanctification, that there is no plan B. He's it, and if he doesn't show up then I'm doomed. My effort and brains won't out-perform my heart which is bent on self-righteous rebellion.
The idea that I can sit in my office and love the sex addict who can't stop themselves, not because I am loving in nature, but because I am loved by Jesus who has full and deep knowledge of me, is at the same time terrifying and liberating. This speaks against all my moral legalism which wants to shout at the sinner to stop their behavior.
I fear my classmates and professors reading this (luckily most of them have already written me off as wayward in my thinking), but I am so tired of pretending that because I read the church fathers, know a dead language, or have studied the nuances of Scripture that I am somehow more spiritually prepared and apt to minister to others. I'm not. I'm often lost and bewildered by where Jesus is taking me, and it literally scares the hell out of me to be his disciple.