I often find myself low, feeling unloved or unlovable. Far too often I act out of this insecure and unstable place; in my marriage I may doubt the affection of my spouse, which leads to all kinds of reactions of anger, frustration or criticism. With friends I may judge their actions towards (or not towards) me with harsh cynicsim. In a crowded room or packed church service I might feel alone, disconnected from the hundreds of people around me, which leads to roaming halls in order to stay isolated from small talk (an obvious bid to avoid further rejection). My response to these reactions is often to 'stop being angry', affirm rather than criticize, try to be more social, or a hundred other formulas for making the situation better. However, I'm finally starting to see that regardless of what I do, the reality always comes back to that lonesome place wherein I feel unloved, or even unworthy of another's love.
I cannot talk myself into a place of feeling or knowing I am loved, and I can't just stop reacting out of feeling unloved. The strength required is not feasible for me to muster up.
Paul prays for the church in Ephesus (those who already believe and belong to Christ) that they would have strength to know what is the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ.
It struck me that Paul did not chastise them for not knowing this love, or condemn them for their sinful reactions out of a fearful and unknowing place. Rather he prayed that they would have and be granted the necessary strength for knowing this deep, deep love of Jesus.
Daily I react out of a place that does not intimately know that I am loved. Frequently I combat this sense of unloveableness with the breath prayer "I belong to Abba", and yet I do not have even the strength to accept this truth over the deception that I am unloveable. Oh that you and I might be granted the strength to receive and live out of the immeasurable love of our brother Jesus!
I cannot talk myself into a place of feeling or knowing I am loved, and I can't just stop reacting out of feeling unloved. The strength required is not feasible for me to muster up.
Paul prays for the church in Ephesus (those who already believe and belong to Christ) that they would have strength to know what is the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ.
It struck me that Paul did not chastise them for not knowing this love, or condemn them for their sinful reactions out of a fearful and unknowing place. Rather he prayed that they would have and be granted the necessary strength for knowing this deep, deep love of Jesus.
Daily I react out of a place that does not intimately know that I am loved. Frequently I combat this sense of unloveableness with the breath prayer "I belong to Abba", and yet I do not have even the strength to accept this truth over the deception that I am unloveable. Oh that you and I might be granted the strength to receive and live out of the immeasurable love of our brother Jesus!
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