I was in a large, older home, which seemed to be located out in a heavily wooded area. Somewhere in the dream I began talking with a large panther/cougar/cat of some sort. This cat promised to leave me, to not harm me, and so I began to feel safe. Towards the latter part of the dream I was outside of the house with lots of children (mine included). They were playing in what seemed to be the outer part of the house which had been desolated, and looked condemned Boards, bricks and other parts of the houses structure were falling down, lying across each other and preventing direct entrance into the house. There was only one door to enter by, which was high off the ground and only accessible by crawling through the broken boards, rickety stairs and the houses broken frame. I felt an urgent pull to get through that door.
A friend was there with me (not sure who, but he felt friendly). This friend warned me about the cat which was lying below the door, underneath the dilapidated stairs. As I crawled up towards the door, I looked down at the cat, which looked as though it had died long ago and already begun to decompose. Its hide was rotting, leaving it looking like matted fur on old bones. I told my friend not to worry, the dead cat wasn't a problem. Then I began to cross over it towards the door.
I remember standing on the rotted beams of old stairs above the dead cat, looking down at it with fearful disgust. That's when it moved towards me, still mostly dead, but able to come at me before I knew to move out of the way. I fell through the stairs to the ground beside it, frightened that it would finish me off, angry that it had lied, and disturbed that it was still alive. I began to try and run away from it through the tangled mess of timbers and brick, but it kept getting closer, its claws grasping the back of my shirt. It caught up to me, pulled up beside me and whispered 'Kill me'.
I've been reading through James with my kids in the morning, not accidentally this was our passage today.
"You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “he’s a fiercely jealous lover.” And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.”
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet." James 4:4-10 The Message
It seems that this dream was playing out the warning I've consistently been hearing of late to be diligently killing sin. John Owen said 'be killing sin, or it will be killing you'. I've honestly never liked this idea. Why can't I just be done with it? Once it's killed it's gone for good. The reality is sin lingers, maybe half-dead or mostly dead, but always capable of killing me. I flirt with it often, not fully engaging it, but teasing ideas and old behaviors.
Humility states that if God is not drawing me near to himself, if he's not helping me purify my inner life, I would be fleeing towards sin. The proud man says he has done away with sin, that he's doing alright now, dismissing the warnings of friends and not heeding the call of a wise and loving Abba. Oh how I need grace to draw me near to a compassionate Father and away from a death-filled life.
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