It seems so much of our struggle in relationships living within the tension of disappointment. We often find our expectations disappointed, disappointed in how we are not received, disappointed in the way we are/are not connecting with another, and so on and so on. The question I've begun to ask myself is, how much do we strive to not be disappointed? Adversely, is it better to accept disappointment for what it is and be willing to receive what we are given in the midst of it?
The idea of being content while disappointed is extraordinarily foreign to me. In a culture that is obsessed with getting everything right, all of the time, without fail, this almost seems blasphemous. Adages like "Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me", "Failure is not an option", or simply the requirement of Superman-esque job skills speak to this.
Unfortunately...Fortunately, this is not the way relationships work; for if it was, we would all be destined to miserable and lonely lives. Who could possibly live up to my absurd expectations?
Paul talks in Philippians 4 of being content in all situations. Could this possibly apply to our relationships? To be content and grateful for what my spouse does give me, rather than impatiently demanding perfect love, acceptance, and communication.
My idea here is that we:
- See what another gives as it truly is (Look outside of our expectations)
- Inwardly acknowledge and deal with the disappointment we have in response (Acknowledge our disappointed expectations)
- Seek to see what they were trying to give (Create a new expectation)
- Gratefully accept the muddled and imperfect gifts another offers us (Simply receive)
I cannot imagine the joy I would have if I simply received from others what they are able to give in the midst of my disappointment, rather than holding out on receiving until they 'get it right'. I believe this would lead to gratitude and contentment far exceeding my former attempts at mustering up a grateful heart.
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