Several times this week I have seen myself truly and begun to realize how true this statement is. Honesty is a two-way street. It is not enough to only be honest with others,which is in fact impossible apart from first being honest with ourselves. Often this is the very thing we need the most (gut-wrenching, clear-eyed honest looking at our self), but is quite commonly the very thing we neglect out of fear, anxiety or a tendency to seek comfort at all costs.
To neglect seeing our self clearly has several consequences, the most profound (in my opinion) being that we trivialize our need for the intervening work of the Spirit. If I see myself detached from what I could be apart from God constantly hedging me in, then I am unable to grasp the profound and constant work of Abba, which disables me from experiencing a full and rich life of dependency upon Him. This seems to be even more profound in those professions which require a spiritually or emotionally professional employee; such as pastors, therapists, ministers, counselors and the like. Yet, the one thing which qualifies us to be spiritually helpful to others is our keen sense of self which proclaims plainly that were it not for the grace of God we would be of the worst sort of sinner.
Even now as I write this there is an urge for me to let you know that I'm really okay, trust me, don't take this to mean to much. I have a desire to qualify these statements in a way that shines a nice and pleasant light on me. This to, is dishonest. The reality is I often carry a sense that were it not for the constant intervening grace of Abba, I would be a full blown ______. Even now I'm too afraid to fill in that blank because of the fear of what you might think.
I think Paul had a very real, gut-wrenching sense of himself when he wrote to the Corinthians
"For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle...But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain" (1 Cor. 15:9-10).I don't believe he was just saying this as some trite, pious affirmation of a detached sense of God's grace. I think he looked hard at who he could have been apart from his encounter with the Christ.
I encourage you to do the same. The next time you see someone of disreputable lifestyle or station, think of how easily you could have ended up in the same spot, and then look for those gracious interventions of Abba in your life, as well as in the lives of those who impacted your upbringing. If it weren't for the intervening grace of Abba, you could have easily become a full blown _______. Then give thanks to God, who graciously chose you and called you from this potential life as a rebel into a life as his beloved. It's quite sobering to glimpse the magnitude of God's kindness as He impacts and directs our lives.
Well said. I find it interesting how often I long to stop being such a ______. Then somehow I am reminded that, that part of me is loved too, and it is my folly to not accept and love that part of me because I am afraid affirming that part and becoming a bigger ______. In reality I am probably such a big ______, because I have not learned to love that part of who I am, as it is loved by my creator.
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