Essentially, this is what sin does in a man; it calibrates the heart so that self is the new center. This leaves us anxious, frustrated, and confused as we try to journey through life. Big questions like, 'What should my vocation be?', 'How do I parent my kid(s)?', or 'Who should I date/marry?', leave us absolutely dumbfounded. Why am I surprised by this? Of course I can't figure it out; my internal map is off-kilter. Mark records Jesus as saying that it's from within, from our hearts, that sin comes. (Mark 7:20-22) My map of history, current events and the future is weighed far too heavily with me as the center. Living like this is like finding your way through the Swiss Alps when you've been given a map of the Appalachian Trail. The territory looks somewhat familiar, but there's no way to make heads or tails of it.
Suffering
This is where suffering comes in. It seems that throughout Scripture God uses suffering to recalibrate the heart (See Romans 5:1-11), to bring it from being calibrated by me to the true north of God. Now, when life's pain hits us we're given opportunities to allow God to shift our center, or (as I most often do) to try and out-chess match God into ending the suffering so that I can keep my self as due north. (See Job 15:11-13) This never ends well. In the midst of pain my heart constantly tries to wrestle from Him control and truth, until I eventually tire out and fall into Him.
I know that I hate this, yet I need and even long for it. My heart is so off-kilter that it continues to lead me into chasms, cliffs, and dry valleys. Suffering is meant to redirect us from these possibilities of death. John Eldredge put it this way, through suffering God often 'keeps us from our heavens, in order to save us from hell.' Throughout my pain God is beckoning me to let him shape my heart from self-centeredness into a heart that is softened with the gospel as its center. This is the life to the fullest Jesus speaks of. (See John 10:10)
Trustworthiness
So why don't we just give in and stop fighting tooth and nail against this giving of rich, full life? For me, it's that I don't trust Abba. Too much of my deluded thinking believes that He's out to get me as some sort of sadistic self-promoting dictator. In comes suffering again. Every experience I've had when life seemed to sucker-punch me, be it with marital strife, negative finances, news of doom, or anything that led to a depressed and despairing heart; He's shown up. If trust comes by way of repeated experiences of trustworthiness, then it seems that God is slowly alluring me into a safe trust of Him by consistently showing up when I go to throw in the towel. How kind. He doesn't demand my trust all up-front, or wait until I've managed to convince myself that He is trustworthy. Nope. Abba seeks me out, finds me in a hole like a sheep who wandered off and found himself stuck, and then beckons me let Him help me out, place me on his shoulders and carry me home (See Luke 15).
As you find yourself in the midst of suffering, be it small-scale or grand, pay attention to your own heart. How is it trying to persuade you? Then listen to Abba as he calls you into deeper intimate trust of Him.
'For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? This God is my strong refuge and has made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.' 2 Samuel 22:32-34
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